


wish i were-

by claruh



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Based on a Conan Gray Song, F/M, First Kiss, M/M, New Year's Kiss, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:35:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claruh/pseuds/claruh
Summary: jeal·ous·y/ˈjeləsē/nounthe state or feeling of being jealous.-aka ‘heather’ by conan gray is on my stan playlist and i associate it with him now
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Beverly Marsh (one-sided), Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	wish i were-

_I still remember third of December_

It was a few days into the coldest season Derry had been hit with in ages, with snow blanketing the town, Stan was stuck at Bill’s house after spending the night the day before. 

Stan had made them both hot chocolate and now they stood on Bill’s back porch looking over the snow covering almost everything.

“I’m sorry for staying so long I just-“ He gestured around them. “Walking home wouldn’t be fun.”

“No it w-wouldn’t.” Bill smiled at him. “Are you cold?”

“Oh- no I’m fine.” His elbows were on the railing as he stirred his spoon in circles around his mug.

Bill paused for a moment before turning around and running inside. Stan just turned around and stared at him through the foggy glass. He came back outside with a thick sweater in his arms. 

“Bill, I’m fine.” He tried to push it away, but Bill forced it into his arms. Stan pulled it on, immediately engulfed in a smell distinct to Bill. 

“You look g-good.”

“What?”

“The sweater- it fits you.”

“Thanks.” They were both smiling, the only difference was Stan’s face was flushed with pink. Oh how badly he wanted Bill’s to be the same. 

_Me in your sweater, you said it looked better_

_On me, than it did you,_

“D’ya wanna go into the snow?”

“Not really.” Despite that, he set down his cup and took Bill’s outstretched hand. “Are we gonna have a snowball fight or something?” Without his warm cup in his hands, his fingers were starting to feel the cold more and more. 

“N-no.” Bill took Stan’s hands in his gloved ones. “I just w-wanted to enjoy this with you.” Stan was staring down at their hands with wide eyes. “Is this okay?”

“Yes- yes.” He nodded, his brain fried. 

“Good.” Bill ran from him again to go inside again. Stan stood in the middle of the yard, watching the door shut and quickly open again. He was now holding his phone and turned on some slow song. 

“Am I giving you dance lessons?” Stan was smiling as Bill interlocked their hands again. He hoped Bill thought his face was pink from the cold, and not..

_only if you knew_

_How much I liked you,_

“M-maybe.”

They stood swaying back and forth in the snow for a while, Stan attempting to guide Bill’s movements with no avail. 

_but I watch your eyes_

_As she walks by_

The snow days ended just as quickly as they had arrived, meaning school started back up again despite the snow that still covered most of Derry. School being back meant Stan dreading lunch more and more everyday as Bill’s crush continued to escalate. 

About a week in, he made a rule that Bill wasn’t allowed to talk to him about his crush outside of school. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Bev, she was one of his best friends, and yet..

_Brighter than the blue sky_

_She's got you mesmerized_

He was snapped back to reality as Richie poked him in the side and gestured vaguely to where Beverly was standing. Stan quickly looked over to Bill who was staring with a smile on his face. 

_While I die_

Richie knew all about the situation, hearing about it from all three sides involved. Beverly was aware Bill liked her, but she didn’t think of him as anymore than a friend. Bill still hadn’t caught onto this even though she attempted to make it pretty obvious. Stan did the same, and yet Bill remained oblivious to both of them. 

As Bev walked over to their table Bill quickly shifted his gaze down to his food again. She smiled at the group before taking her seat next to Bill who was immediately far more quiet than normal. Richie attempted to spark a conversation but the tension was high. 

He couldn’t help it. He didn’t hate Bev, that definitely wasn’t it- he just wished so badly to be in her position. 

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

_I'm not even half as pretty_

New Year’s break began with Stan driving his dad’s beat up car to Richie’s house after a spam of text messages telling him he needed to tell him something important. 

He knocked on the door and Richie swung it open, dragging him inside and down the hallway to his room. 

“Slow down Rich- what’s going on?”

“Beverly just told me something you have to swear on your fucking life not to tell anyone. Especially Bill.”

Stan’s heart dropped, but he still nodded, expecting the worst.

_But you like her better_

_Wish I were Heather_

“At his party, she’s asking out Ben, meaning he’s probably going to be her kiss.”

“She’s-“ He trailed off. “Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m fucking sure!”

“Richie.”

“She told me herself. Scout’s honor.” He put his hand over his heart. 

“You refused to become a scout with me, you’re not allowed to say that.” They both laughed, but Stan’s expression quickly dropped again. He continued, quietly, “Do you think I have a chance?”

Richie looked at him for a moment, “Of course. From what you’ve told me-“ He grinned. “Just go for it. He’s so awkward, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Shut up.” Richie just rolled his eyes. 

_What a sight for sore eyes_

_Brighter than a blue sky_

_She's got you mesmerized_

The weeks passed slowly, but finally it was the 31st. Stan had begged Richie to come over and get ready, not that he’d admit that. 

“Stanny, you’re overthinking this.” Richie stood behind him and fiddled with Stan’s collar. “You’re not going to prom or anything, bud.”

“I know, but-“

“Just do whatever you think is right!” He placed his hands on Stan’s shoulders from behind and shook him slightly. “Now let’s goooo.” 

“Okay.” He sighed and glanced in the mirror one more time before following Richie downstairs and into his car. 

_You gave her your sweater_

_It's just polyester_

Bill opened the door for them and smiled widely at Stan before letting them in. He already felt his heart pounding as they walked into the living room. 

“Stan?”

Stan turned his head to face Bill, “Hm?”

“W-will you come upstairs w-with me?”

A confused expression crossed his face, “Sure.” They walked up the stairs together and Bill sat down on the side of his bed. “What is it?”

“I’m just..” He looked at Stan. “I’m confused.”

“Are you really asking for homework ri-“

Bill cut him off, shaking his head, “No!” He stopped for a moment. “How d-did you realize you w-were gay?”

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

_I'm not even half as pretty_

“I-“ He stared at his hands. “I don’t know. I kind of just.. did? Maybe ask Richie.”

“But like, did you like someone?” 

That caused Stan to look up from his lap, “Yes. Why are you wondering?”

“Because I think I like someone.”

“Yeah, Bev. No shit.” 

“Not her. I heard-“ He trailed off. “I heard she w-was g-going to ask Ben out tonight, and I started thinking. I d-don’t think I like her anymore. Well, like-like her.” 

“Oh..”

“Are you not g-going to ask who I like?”

“I mean that’s a personal thing.”

_You gave her your sweater_

_It's just polyester_

“Stan, it’s you.”

Stan’s breath caught in his throat, “Me?” He turned to Bill. 

“I think so.” 

“You think?”

_But you like her better_

_I wish I were Heather_

“I mean, it’s not normal to w-want to kiss your friends I assume.”

Stan laughed nervously, “No, it’s not.”

“Do you-?” He made eye contact with Stan before turning away. 

“Yes. I just-“ He sighed. “I don’t know what to say.”

“We can just ignore this h-happened until midnight?”

“Midnight?

“Oh I.. I thought you could be my- y’know.” He shrugged casually, but his expression gave away how nervous he was. 

“I’d love to.” Stan smiled before standing up and grabbing Bill’s hand to pull him upwards. “Did you ever like Bev?”

_Wish I were Heather_

_(Oh, oh)_

“Probably. I d-definitely don’t just like d-dudes, but you-“ He nodded while laughing. “You, I d-definitely think I like.”

“I definitely think I like you too.” Bill smiled at him, and he felt his face flush. “Do you want to go downstairs?”

“We probably should. It is my party afterall.” Stan chuckled as they walked down the stairs together. 

_Wish I were Heather_

Stan stared down at Bill’s hand that lingered close to his as they sat on the couch together with the other losers chatting around them. He felt someone looking at him and glanced upwards to see Richie glaring at him in an attempt to get his attention.

Stan raised his eyebrow and Richie tried his best to signal to Bill’s hand without being completely obvious. He failed this, obviously, and Bill caught on, laughing. 

He took Stan’s hand in his and interlocked their fingers. Stan knew his face was red, but at this point he didn’t care. 

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

_I'm not even half as pretty_

The ball drop was on the TV in the middle of the room, but no one was really paying attention. Stan’s attention was more focused on Bill’s hand in his. 

“I- um..” Beverly stood in front of them. “I wanted to give this back.” She was holding one of Bill’s sweaters in her arms. Stan smiled at her and she glanced down at he and Bill’s interlocked hands before grinning and winking at him. She quickly walked over to where Ben and Mike were standing.

_You gave her your sweater_

_It's just polyester_

“That was a bit awkward.”

“Y-yeah.” He chuckled. “Hope you f-forgive me f-for being stupid.”

“You’re not stupid Bill.”

“I mean.. a little b-bit.” 

“In the relationship sphere, definitely.” Bill laughed and leaned into Stan’s shoulder, causing Stan to have to suppress a gasp. His voice got quiet, “This is nice.”

“Mhm.” His eyes were closed as the timer on the TV got closer and closer to midnight. “How long till m-midnight?”

“A few minutes.”

“I’ll j-just stay here then.” 

“Fine with me.”

Richie was the one who began the countdown, staring at the timer on the TV screen. Stan stood up and pulled Bill upwards to stand in front of him. They all were grinning as the clock ticked down for what felt like an eternity.

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

_But you like her better_

_Wish I were_

1.

The clock struck midnight, and they all cheered. Bill placed his hands on Stan’s face, who leaned in almost immediately. He was kissing Bill Denbrough. Bill fucking Denbrough. They pulled apart, and Stan laughed, putting his forehead against Bill’s. 

“Thank you Bill.” Bill could feel his breath on his face and felt his face flush. 

Bill smiled nervously, “I- uh.” He pulled apart and kissed Stan again, shorter this time. “I’m just g-glad I g-got to start my new year off right.”


End file.
